Kids say the ******* things!

Having grown up in relative urban non-existence (Wikipedia tells me my home until I was 11 had a population of less than 200), I’ve began to see that I am in fact a bit of a country boy!

Having moved from Plymouth (258,700 population) to Shenyang (8.1 million population), I’ve begun to miss some of the finer things in life. The colour green is a good example

Dane enjoys a stroll through the local flora

Dane enjoys a stroll through the local flora


Ok, so it was a long shot expecting to move to an industrial city and be greeted with a “Chinese” Dartmoor (my old playground) just a 15 minute bike ride away. But I wasn’t expecting my mood to dip so much as a result! Don’t worry, this isn’t a whine and groan post, read the title…


In my extreme depression (slight downer) I took to looking through all the funny things my students have said in the months since my arrival. It’s way past time I shared these with you, so here they are!


DISCLAIMER: All quotes are the expressed opinions of the children involved. They by no means represent the thoughts of this bloggist. They’re just all so very rude! (None have been exaggerated!)


  • “Cumcake” (cupcake)


  • “This is my dickhead!” (This is Dicks head) – Dick was not amused!


  • “Potpiss” (puppet)


  • “Bollocks” (box)


  • “This is a truckbird.” (The bird is on the truck) – The critically acclaimed prequel to CatDog.


  • “I see a whore.” (I see a horse) – Soon followed by…


  • “Yes, you can pet the whore!” (…horse) – Brothels are different here!


  • “Peter Piper picked a pale of dilly willy.” – Ok, so this was a longshot, the adults also struggled.


  • “I can go to the loo.” (…zoo)


  • “Mum is in the chicken.” (Mum is in the kitchen) – How his mum got in there, we’ll never know.


  • “Fuck” (four) – A cornerstone of the English language.


  • “This is my cock!” (This is my cup) – Thankfully just a slip of the tongue.


  • “I like smoking.” – Mark is a little legend, and only 3 years old. I asked “What do you like?” again the next day, realising he shouldn’t say this and with a huge grin on his face, he said those exact same words.


  • “Ass crease” (ice cream)


  • “Pot King” (popcorn)


  • “The pig is in the bum.” (The pig is in the barn)


  • “I am in the pub.” – Lessons in the pub… Now there’s an idea!


Don't let his cuteness fool you...

Don’t let his cuteness fool you…


I hope you’ve enjoyed my kids rude rantings as much as I have. I’m sure there will be more to come so keep visiting.





One comment

  1. beckiebee3 · April 4, 2013

    Hi Joe Have a good trip … And be careful! Saw your latest blog post – am a little worried that you have posted a photo of one of your children? Loved the idea though. Xxx

    Sent from my iPad

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